Aylesbury's Christmas carol

I also noticed a great mention of Aylesbury on Blackadder's Christmas Carol. Worth a read and a laugh, here's the screne its in and I found it on this website.

http://paul.merton.ox.ac.uk/filmtv/blackadder.html

[Inside, Queen Elizabeth I and Nursie are tearing apart coloured- paper chains. Edmund enters, carrying the curtained portrait.]

Edmund: Good morning, Your Majesty. Christmas again, eh? What joy. [puts the portrait down] Don't you just love it?

Elizabeth: No -- I hate it! In fact, I've just abolished it.

Edmund: I'm sorry...?

Elizabeth: I ought to block up the chimneys, burn all the crackers, and kill anyone I see carrying a present. [looks at the portrait]

Edmund: Oh. [lifts the portrait and prepares to leave]

Elizabeth: [points at portrait, speaks demandingly] What's that, Edmund?

Edmund: This? ... It's a window...

Elizabeth: A window?

Edmund: Yes, but you seem to have one here, so, sorry to disturb you...

[exits, leaving her baffled (Nursie just grins brainlessly)]

[Outside, Edmund hands the portrait to Baldrick, who holds it from the bottom, so it covers his face. Edmund closes the door, and pulls open the portrait's curtains.]

Edmund: Well, so much for that. [punches the Queen's face in the portrait; his hand goes through the canvas and hits Baldrick's face. He then motions to Lord Melchett, who approaches] Ah, Melchett! Greetings! I trust that Christmas brings you its traditional mix of good food and violent stomach cramp.

Melchett: ...and compliments of the season to _you_, Blackadder. May the yuletide log slip from your fire and burn your house down.

Edmund: I'm glad I saw you -- I feel it only fair to warn you that the Queen has banned the Christmas, so I wouldn't get her a present this year.

Melchett: Oh, I'm indebted to you for that advice, Blackadder, and I shall, of course, follow it to the letter, the day I get my brain replaced by a cauliflower. [exits]

Edmund: [claps his hands once] Hah! Got him with my subtle plan!

Baldrick: [lowering the portrait finally] I can't see any subtle plan.

Edmund: Baldrick, you wouldn't see a subtle plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on top of a harpsichord, singing "Subtle Plans Are Here Again." It's what we call a double-bluff. Melchett will undoubtedly do the opposite of what I tell him, go and get an enormous present, give it to the Queen, and then [runs his finger across his neck and makes a quacky noise].

Baldrick: What, he'll turn into a duck?

Edmund: Yes... [walks off; Baldrick follows, with the portrait]

[In the throne room, Nursie continues to tear apart paper chains, while Elizabeth is looking out the window.]

Nursie: Pity about this, Tinkywink. You always used to love this time of year.

Elizabeth: [turns round; she is fondling a Christmas pudding] I know -- leaving a little mince pie and a glass of wine out for Father Christmas, and then scoffing it because I was a princess and could do what I bloody well liked. [sits in throne]

Nursie: ...and wondering if your father's wife would last until Boxing Day without having her head cut off.

Elizabeth: We knew; if he gave her a hat, she'd probably be all right.

Nursie: Happy days...

Elizabeth: Yes... Maybe I was a little rash...

[Edmund and Melchett enter and bow.]

Elizabeth: Ah! Boys! Welcome back! [hands the pudding to Nursie] But, Melchett, what have you got under your coat?

[Edmund raises his eyebrows, smiling slyly.]

Elizabeth: [demandingly] It's not a present, is it?

Melchett: A present, Majesty? but of course! [reveals a crown; mutters to Edmund] You're so painfully transparent, Blackadder.

Edmund: Am I...

Elizabeth: Oh, that's fab!!! I _love_ presents!

[Edmund rolls his eyes, unhappy about the Queen's wishy-washiness.]

Elizabeth: [to Melchett] You know, for a moment I took against Christmas, but I'm completely dippy about it again. In fact, I'd like to marry you! ...if you weren't as unattractive as a giant slug!

Melchett: [laughing] Oh, pish, Majesty!

Elizabeth: But, anyway, to reward you, I'm going to give you _lots_ of presents! Um, fancy a castle?

Melchett: Well, Windsor, Majesty...

Elizabeth: ...title?

Melchett: Duke of Kent?

Elizabeth: ...anything else?

Melchett: Well, a devilish saucy wife would be fun.

Elizabeth: [thinks] Lady Jane Pottle!

Melchett: Oh, yummy!

Elizabeth: I think she's Blackadder's girl at the moment, but that doesn't matter, does it, Blacky...

Edmund: No, of course not, Ma'am... and perhaps Lord Melchett would like to whip me naked through the streets of Aberdeen...

Melchett: Oh, I don't think we need go that far, Blackadder...

Edmund: Oh, too kind...

Melchett: No -- Aylesbury's quite far enough.

Elizabeth: Super. Well done, Melchy. And, now, Blackadder, what have you got me?

Edmund: Erm...